Friday, 11 March 2011

Does a milkman get propositioned

I was a milkman for 6 years in all and yes they do occasionally get chatted up. I had one call that I used to collect money from very early on a Saturday morning and she always answered the door naked except for a see through baby doll nightie. It was not a pleasant site as she was about 50 and I was in my late twenties. The way she looked at me was reminiscent of a cougar eying up its prey. I was married to my second wife Dot at this time and she sometimes used to come out on the milk round with me so on this particular Saturday I asked her to collect the money for me. I sat in the milk float having a quite chuckle to myself and laughed out loud when she returned calling me every name imaginable, Dot has a good vocabulary of spicy language and she must have used every word she knew. I had another very nice couple, they were about my age, husband and wife and I would have a nice chat with them when I collected money on a Saturday afternoon. One Saturday I knocked and she answered the door semi naked. She was a big girl, really big, and would have eaten me alive. She said “My husband is not here today”. I must have coughed and spluttered and mumbled something like “your bill is 84 pence” and I remember almost running back up the garden path.
Perhaps the strangest and most difficult to deal with was when I called back to a pub to collect the money. I always went round the back to the kitchen for it. As I was waiting this giant of a barman minced in, looked me up and down with a wicked glint in his eye and said “Would you like a drink” I took a step backwards and said “No thank you”. “Would you like a cup of coffee then” Another step backwards and “No thank you” from me. “How about a drink of milk… Oh silly me… you are a milkman” he said and minced off. The kitchen staff were in fits of laughter at my reactions.
In between marriages I had the pleasure of being friendly with a very attractive and sexy girl. So sexy that a friend used to fantasise that she was in bed with him when making love to his wife. (They were a very open couple and she used to imagine he was someone else too, I did not blame her) On my milk round I had discovered a fantastic country pub with some amazing country walks close by. This young lady agreed to accompany me on a visit to the pub one day (this was the milkman making a proposition) and afterwards we walked hand in hand up into the hills on a warm summer’s day. I gently laid her down on the grass and gave her a gentle lingering kiss. I was in heaven. As I Iooked down at her she glanced up at me and said “oooh I can see all the hairs up your nose” In a split second everything was deflated… literally. I let my friend have his fantasies, I have none


  1. I have seldom enjoyed getting "that kind of a glance" from a woman, unless of course I had already decided I was interested. I suppose the girls feel the same way (or probably worse) when some unknown bloke gives them the eye.